I am not a TIger Mother

Yesterday in the Sunday Times and today in the Times, there were articles about a Chinese Mother and how her methods of parenting. Basically Linda Chua has written a book entitled The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother which details how she hothoused her two daughters. She is only satisfied with  the best and runs a very strict regime -- no playdates, no sleepovers, no drama productions, As are the only grade good enough and if you are taking an instrument, you practise. 3 hours per day.  The parent has high expectations and does not settle for anything less
She details how she locked her 3 year old daughter out in the snow when she was defiant and how they do have screaming rows.
My children were appalled.
My daughter asked if I approved. My answer was that as I had not done those things to them, then I was unlikely to approve. The mere thought of the angst expended to force a child to practice for 3 hours day in and day out makes me want to lie down in a darkened room. There again I never wanted my children to be professional or play to a professional standard. The more time you practice, the better you will be but it needs to come from within. The desire must be inside the child. It is telling that when given the option at 13, the younger daughter immediately dropped her music in faovur of tennis.
While I do believe in parents developing their children's self-discipline, and like to think of myself as reasonably strict, life is far too short. I like celebrating achievements that matter to my children.
I loved the fact that my eldest had to discover the hard way that hard work does pay off. Not for a guitar piece but for his A levels. I think he is very proud of his accomplishments. I know I am. I also think the lesson he learnt will hold him in good stead for his adulthood.
I sincerely hope my daughter is putting in the hard work required as I believe she is capable of doing well on her A levels. I hope my youngest is doing the same with his GCSEs. But ultimately it is up to them and whether it matters to them.
Tough love is hard but there is a difference between tough love and sadistic parenting.
I make no apologies for being me and my sort of mother.
It is not a race but ultimately it is about creating indivdual who will be well balanced successful adults, no matter what life throws at them.

Dealing with ticks

My youngest came home from a school trip to the Isle of Arran with a tick. The teacher had put vaseline on it. The trouble with vaseline is that the tick suffocates and vacates its stomach into its host. The best way to get rid of a tick is with tweezers or a tick remover. Removed promptly with tweezers or a tick remover, the tick should pose no problem.
Burning, vaseline or nail polish is not good and is likely to lead to infection.
My youngest is now on antibiotics. He thinks I overreacted but Lyme disease is no joke and there are a number of other nasty diseases. The doctor agreed with me, particularly as the tick was on his skin for over two hours.
The best way to avoid ticks is prevention -- long sleeves and insect repellent with DEET.

Other than that, he had a brilliant time. Lots of pictures of rocks and other geological formations as well as red deer.

The last parent teacher conference

I attended my last parent teacher conference for my eldest son (despite his being in Russia). The deputy head had sent a note to all the parents saying how important the conference was. It was all about making sure he revises for his A levels and various different strategies, plus reminders about revision sessions. I heard lots of good things but bottom line he needs to study more as nothing is in the bag until you get the final results back.
It is a strange moment when you see all these parents who you can remember as young parents with toddlers doing the rounds for one last time, earnestly discussing their children who now tower above them. The chairs are uncomfortable as ever, the hall just as loud but there is a certain air of poignancy about it.
My youngest reminded me when I got home that I have four more years with him, so I can go back to complaining.
The house still fills quiet. I keep going to pet the cats and end up stroking the breadbin. My daughter and my youngest are resolved to get new kittens sooner rather than later.

Oh and Impoverished Miss, Convenient Wife is officially published today so that means I should go and see it at Tescos. There is a certain something about seeing your book on the shelf. It is even better IF you know a couple of copies have been sold...