Thoughts on Mothering Sunday

It is Mothering Sunday on Sunday. This is the Uk's version of Mother's Day. The UK already had Mothering Sunday when Anna Jarvis began her campaign in the US. It was done in part to honour her dead mother (a renown peace activist) which is why in the US, the day happens around the 13th of May. In the UK, Mothering Sunday origins come from Lent and the tradition of returning to the Mother church on the 4th Sunday of Lent. As this meant often returning to where you came from, it also became about visiting your own mother. 

When the International Mother's Day movement began, the UK simply co-opted the day rather than moving it to the 2nd Sunday in May. Some countries used the presentation of Jesus to the temple as a date ie Norway and Kosovo). Some use the vernal/Spring equinox (many of the Islamic counties such as Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Egypt, Syria etc)

It is a day to honour your mother -- whether or not she is alive or dead. Everyone has a mother. There was a colour code in the carnations (the first flower associated with Mother's Day -- white if your mother was dead, red if she was alive) It is about remembering how much your mother does for you and what she means to you. The day which Anna Jarvis worked so hard for was supposed to be about sentiment, not profit. Jarvis grew to hate the day because she loathed the commercialization.

It was supposed to be about telling your mother (or indeed the person who was your mother figure) about how much you appreciate her. Personal, not commercial.

Unfortunately the marketing focuses on living mothers, rather than on honouring all mothers. An idea to honour a departed mother would be to give a donation to her favourite charity. Or perhaps spending a little time looking through photos of her and remembering how special she was and the little things she did. (I do this on Father's Day as my father died over 25 years ago). A good mother never dies, she lives on in the things you do and the way you do things. And if you have children sometimes you do see your parents in them.

Mothers are important. I am very grateful for mine who remains very much alive. Although at her request, I honour her on the US Mother's Day, rather than on Mothering Sunday as she is American, not British as she has pointed out several times.

Slices of pie

The US Mother's Day happens on Sunday. It is a day of peace and has a totally different foundation than the UK Mothering Sunday. Anyway, my aunt sent me a load of sayings about mothers.


A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.--Tenneva Jordan

Does anyone know who Tenneva Jordan is? I can find the quote and it is attributed to her, but can I find out anything about this woman? All I can find is the quote. So I would be interested to know more about her. Was she only a mother? Why did she say it? When did she say it? If you know, I would like to find out.

I have been in this situation before and have foregone the pie. Sometimes, and perhaps this means I am not a good mother, I have divided the four pieces between five. Because the number of pieces does depend on how you slice it. And it can better for everyone to have a taste, than for one person to gobble it up.
Equally I suspect that my husband would say that the first stance does lead towards martyred mother syndrome. Particularly if you have been looking forward to a taste of pie...

Mother's day hits 100

The US version of Mother's day reaches 100 today. On 10 May 1908, St Andrews in Grafton West Virginia honoured Anna Jarvis' request and became the first church in the country to hold a Mother's Day service. Anna had held an unofficial day the year before, passing out white carnations to the congregation. Btu the first official service was then.
It grew from there.
In 1909, Mother's day services were held in churches in 46 states, Mexico and Canada.
In 1912, West Virginia became the first state to have an official Mother's Day. And in 1914, Woodrow Wilson signed the bill declaring the second Sunday of May to be Mother's Day. The bill emphasised the role of the mother within the family, rather than her role as an activist in the public arena.
This was all the work of one woman -- Anna Jarvis to honour her mother. And by honouring her mother, she sought to honour all mothers and promote peace. She worked tirelessly to secure the day -- lobbying congress, church leaders, businessmen, anyone with influence and she won.
Unfortunately, the story does not have a happy ending. Anna Jarvis was soon disillusioned with the increasing commercialisation of Mother's Day and denounced it. She opposed the selling of flowers, even though she had started the movement by handing out white carnations. She felt she had created a monster and the day had stopped what she envisioned. Anna never became a mother herself. She died penniless and alone and is buried next to her own mother.
I know that I was guilty of not understanding the how or why Mother's day came about until last year. It is important to remember and to honour Miss Jarvis's efforts.
But I think Anna was wrong to denounce Mother's Day. It is a day that gives many women pleasure and serves to remind us that mothers are vital. It is up to people to decide if they want the commercialisation or if they want to do something homemade and personal. In my view, flowers are always great. Sometimes, a mother just needs to be remembered. And a mother is always a presence in her children's lives. She has influences them and future generations.
And it is worthwhile remembering that Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers -- past, present and future!

More on Mother's Day

My sister emailed to say -- that it wasn't quite true about the US Mother's Day being started by card companies, and she gave me a wikipedia article which claimed that Mother's Day was started after a campaign by Julia Ward Howe in her magazine.

Now after the kerfuffle at Wikipedia about their entries, including one of their major contributors resigning, I did some more checking, particularily as I didn't like the Roman and Greek explanation. I am not going into the whole celbrations of Cybele -- except to say they were sometimes not very pleasant. Andtherefore article did not ring true for me. And there was no explantion as to why the 2nd Sunday in May was chosen. I couldn't be bothered to check my Roman calender of festivals but somehow, I am pretty sure a day honouring mothers was not around that day.

Anyway, it was fairly easy to discover and wikipedia did not tell the full story.

Julia Ward Howe who also wrote The Battle Hymn of the Republic did advocate a Mother's Day, BUT it did not really get started until 1914 in West Virginia when Anna Jarvis organised a day of remembrance. The second Sunday in May was chosen as it was the second anniversary of her own mother's death. A white carnation signified a deceased mother and a red one, a living one. The idea was enthusiastically adopted by the West Virginia legislature and from there spread to other states. In later years, Anna Jarvis denounced the whole enterprise for becoming far too commercial. You can read the story here. West Virginia is very proud to be the founding state of Mother's day.

It is an interesting problem in this day and age -- how do you stop things from becoming commercialized, particularly when they have proved as popular as Mother's day. But at least I now know why it is the second Sunday in May... and it does have a very different meaning than the British one.

Are all mothers inherently peaceful? Or are they more willing to protect their children at all costs? I am not sure of the answer. But the US Mother's Day was started because Anna Jarvis and many others believed in peace and of course their mother.